Crazy summer, and WILD start to a school year.

SOOO life has over all been insane lately. To start this Blog im starting at camp. I went to a Camp in Maine in August this past summer and it was sooo beautiful!! we were right on this GORGEOUS lake called "ECHO LAKE"   Being at this camp my eyes were really opened to many things.
1. The first is how truly AWEsome God is. He loves me so dearly and passionately its innnnnnsaaaaine. And i realized the depths of my love for Him! I learned that he's my beestbestbestbestbest friend, he's ALWAYS  there for me and is just waiting for me to make time for him. Who in the world does that really? God has this whole big universe to tend to, he has all these other people who he doesn't forget and he still comes and spends a little time with me when i need him/want him. saay WHAAAT?
2. The second thing I was opened to was how much i stink at relying on God and dealing with pain. I saw how much I was hurt and hiding with the Loss of Liam. I saw how much I was ignoring people who had any connection to him. God being one of them. I wasn't praying or reading my bible and then i complained about how much im suffering and needing God. I really made no sense. I came across a scripture at camp in .Ecclesiastes 7:1-4. I'm not going to put it on here but i REALLY encourage you to read it. it moved me to repent and fix my communication with God!
3. Thirdly I really improved in my quiet times. they went from 1% to 60 maybe 80% (im still growing don't judge!) i had soo much time alone to just reflect and pray and have quiet times with God that i mad a goal to continue that through the school year! At firstit was really working but as of late its kind of really faltering. I'll explain in a sec. Any way my LOVE for God and his awesome power just exploded and multiplied in me! even being a baptized deciple I've never been that fired up about Our relationship before! so BONUS!

ALRIGHTY so now don't get me wronngggg, camp wasn't as great as i expected it to be and i was kind of sad about that at first, it was only through meditation and looking into myself after words that I really began to miss and love camp. It's such a protected place from the world- it's unbelievable.<3

So school started and High school will be highschool but it's been good! I had my FIRST encouragement date this year! we now have not one but TWO teen brothers in our church! AAAAHHHH aaamen. EXCITEMENT* so it was a blast and a half and i was suuuper encouraged for the next week of school!
*excitement is an understatement.
And to present i'm sick, possibly with mono. :(  I had blood work done yesterday so there aren't any results yet. and i'm not gettng in to all the details at this point but when i as 2 i had ecoli, (google it if you dont know what it is) annd one f my kidneys was totally shut down and the other was in the same direction. I was unconcious for a week or something and my mom Prayed that God wold either take me and stop my pain or heal me immediately. And so obviously i got better right away!! but now my kidneys are fragile and i get sick really easily. so with the mono thing my kidneys and liver are enlarged and thus making my stomach really hurt.  so im having a lot of the same tests done as when i had  ecoli and we just found out the water we've been drinking is "Not Fit For HUMAN consumption" ................. great right? so im a wee- no im really quite scared about this and I really just need to trust in God. because he IS AN AWESOME GOD  so on thaaat note:
HAZZAH!

i love you,cross my heart.

So lately I've really been struggling spiritually. I think that I've actually been depressed! I really just haven't felt with life at all! But there was a church camping trip last weekend (the long weekened) and i was really looking forward to talking with two of my best friends and sisters! (all of my friends will have code names as i want their names to be safe.) so these friends names are Jello and Papillon so i went camping with my family and I got to talk and cry and PRAY with them. I also got to hang out and better understand a younger teen in the ministry- big Bertha! she was really awesome and it was very encouraging how excepting she was of me and my greiving ! so the four of us went for a walk one day and we went to the beach! (just so ou know the weather WAS AWFUL ! all of saturday was rain with thunder and lightning on and off ! ) so anyway we went for a walk and found this BEAUTIFUL lookoff in the trees with a little picnik table overlooking the beach. Just as we got there the sun came out and it got warm. so we hung out here for a bit and then decided that  watching the beach wasn't good enough!! so it took a 1/2 hour and then we prayed for quite some time. and Jello prayed that the desire to read our bibles and love God more and talk more would come into our hearts.

well guess WHAT it DID!!! im on such a big Jesus High right now AND camp is in 12 DAYSSS!!

Any way some other teens started coming and we all bonded and came out of our shells and just had a BLAAAST !! i was there for 4 nights so the stories seem endless! but I'll just say that i had a ton of fun with papillon, jello, brown-sugar, jiggs, big-bertha, muffin and camo! and most importantly i've realized that jesus is  most definitely  my rock and salvation.

HAZZAH!

Psalm 6 NIV

this passage actually brought me to tears. it hit me so close to heart that it brought a new wave of sorrow up from withing me. finding this just reminds me how amazing and mysterious God is at giving me scripture i actually can learn from. this scripture to me seems like the writer is hurt by enemies

.. i just want to hold my nephew.... 

¹ LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
   or discipline me in your wrath.
² Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am faint;
   heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony.
³ My soul is in deep anguish.
   How long, LORD, how long?

 ⁴ Turn, LORD, and deliver me;
   save me because of your unfailing love.
⁵ Among the dead no one proclaims your name.
   Who praises you from the grave?
 ⁶ I am worn out from my groaning.
   All night long I flood my bed with weeping
   and drench my couch with tears.
⁷ My eyes grow weak with sorrow;    they fail because of all my foes.
 ⁸ Away from me, all you who do evil,
   for the LORD has heard my weeping.
⁹ The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;
   the LORD accepts my prayer.
¹⁰ All my enemies will be overwhelmed with shame and anguish;
   they will turn back and suddenly be put to shame

hazzah

Whata life!

     So to update: in the past few months i've had two big HUGE deaths in my family. First was my Grandfather; i was what you would call a `good death`he was surrounded by family when it happened and he was right with God. Yes; it has been upsetting. But it was quite a relief as he was in a lot of pain from cancer all through his body and bones. :( the next day though was a different story! my brother and his fiance had their beautiful baby boy: Liam. he was so perfect. and he really helped me personally get through my grandfather`s death. his gentle slumber and adorable crys. (note that he was two weeks early. so i saw him almost every day for a bout the first week, but it slowed the next.
     what has been so utterly heart shattering is that his death came as swiftly as his life. two weeks almost to the hour my nephew past away in his sleep in the arms of my Brother. its still hard today. i dont know how many days its been or weeks. but i still go through the crying and sobbing and heart ache when i see bouncing 3 year olds run by.
    but the love i`ve been getting is overwhelming! hugs and attention from little kids both help and hurt but that will heal over time. i am so grateful for the patience i`ve been getting from my friends and family. 
      
      so about today it`s just been really hard emotionally. its actually been a hard weekend. seeing my brother`s friends driving by or grandparents with their grandkids or baby boys reopens a bit of the scab on my heart. (kind of sounds gross..) and i  have been seeing all of this the past few days.
    but through all this drama and hurt God`s still been showing me endless mercy and signs that he`s here for me. ``safe in the arms of Jesus.`` i feel it now and then. but sometimes i feel soo alone. I `know God will get me through some how.

these pictures are of my darling nephew .

HAZZAH!

Midweek tomorrow!

So tomorrow night* there's a Midweek in halifax area! we talk about the message from sunday; our thoughts and feelings, sharing stories etc, etc. all based off of some premade questions.
   The topic from Sunday's lesson is: why 'weird' is better. (In the series WEIRD;because normal isnt working anymore.)  Im excited to hear some thoughts and feelings on the subject as well as the fellowship! its almost always encouraging to fellowship with the other teens. so thats later n the evening.

   Earlier today I did some ... BAKING something i dont overly enjoy i've discovered. perhaps with friends its a bit more enjoyable. but in the heat of the day (when I'm most lazy) it isn't necessarily fun. Any way i made "raw cookies" and quickies. i DO NOT think the quickies worked at . all. and the cookies are runny and HUGE >:) but they should taste good.... right?

   So i was tired and lazy and easily frustrated in the kitchen so i could enjoy some sweets for the drive in theatre tonight :3 SO EXCITED IT'S CRAZY!
I'm going with my family to see harry potter again, under the stars in the back of the truck, it will be warm tonight so i think it will feel magical.
   And so that was my day and what SHOULD become of my day (Lord willing) and so:

HAZZAH

Harry Potter 7 part TWO... AAAHHH

                                                DU DU DUDU DUUU DU DUUUU DUUUUU DU DUDU DU DUU DUU.....
Harry Potter 7... it all ends here.
 So on thursday night i went to the h.p. premier for the LAST movie with three frannnddds. (and a brother) we went in character and i was Lavender Brown. Friend ONE was hermione, friend TWO was tonks and friend THREE was ginny! we had a sleep over and took a BUNCH of pictures..hehe <3
     the movie was ......                AMAZINGLY FANTASTIC !
i will not give away  the movie. except that i LAUGHED i cried..... actually sobbed and and had so much fun.
                     GO SEE THE MOVIE.

                                        it's amazing.

The opening title.

Hey my name's Zoe and alll canadian. im nothing special; just a growing teenage girl trying to show the world how amazing My Dad is through me. He has a lot of names you see. he's the Alpha, the Great I Am, Lord, Mercy and all that is good. but most of all i like to say he's my Dad. I really love this guy Jesus too. he's my brothah. he IS something special though. He died for me; but he also died for YOU. gotta love that right? well this is my blog, how i roll and some crazzy things.
peace for now,
like a river.