Whata life!

     So to update: in the past few months i've had two big HUGE deaths in my family. First was my Grandfather; i was what you would call a `good death`he was surrounded by family when it happened and he was right with God. Yes; it has been upsetting. But it was quite a relief as he was in a lot of pain from cancer all through his body and bones. :( the next day though was a different story! my brother and his fiance had their beautiful baby boy: Liam. he was so perfect. and he really helped me personally get through my grandfather`s death. his gentle slumber and adorable crys. (note that he was two weeks early. so i saw him almost every day for a bout the first week, but it slowed the next.
     what has been so utterly heart shattering is that his death came as swiftly as his life. two weeks almost to the hour my nephew past away in his sleep in the arms of my Brother. its still hard today. i dont know how many days its been or weeks. but i still go through the crying and sobbing and heart ache when i see bouncing 3 year olds run by.
    but the love i`ve been getting is overwhelming! hugs and attention from little kids both help and hurt but that will heal over time. i am so grateful for the patience i`ve been getting from my friends and family. 
      
      so about today it`s just been really hard emotionally. its actually been a hard weekend. seeing my brother`s friends driving by or grandparents with their grandkids or baby boys reopens a bit of the scab on my heart. (kind of sounds gross..) and i  have been seeing all of this the past few days.
    but through all this drama and hurt God`s still been showing me endless mercy and signs that he`s here for me. ``safe in the arms of Jesus.`` i feel it now and then. but sometimes i feel soo alone. I `know God will get me through some how.

these pictures are of my darling nephew .

HAZZAH!